Why we should draft Calvin Johnson

[BucFanClw]

Prior to the snap in a game a GT, CJ heard the faints cries of a woman. He knew her house was on fire. He rushed over, saved the woman, put out the fire, re-built her house, then returned before the ball was snapped so he could score the game-winning 124 yrd touchdown catch.

[BucFanClw]

Bullets bounce off of CJ... unless you mean a bullet pass, which he catches every one thrown at every stadium simultaneously.

[DeadEagle]

Yes, but that was one play, Clw.

One play.

Can he do that consistently? Or will he let the next house burn?

Too many questions aboot his work ethic here. I'll pass.

[BucFanClw]

The reason Jimmy Hoffa is buried under Giants Stadium is because he tried to play defense against CJ.

[DeadEagle]

That'll show him!

Never look directly at CJ. And never get too close to his awesomeness.

[Clayton80future]

Then he went on to build solar latrines for better sanitation in Bolivia to help the less fortunate.

http://www.gatech.edu/news-room/release.php?id=1115



True story.

[BucFanClw]

He used the run down to Bolivia as his warm up exercise. He beat his classmates there by 5 hours.

[tampabayfan]

I hear one game at half time he performed open heart surgery and still had time left over to sign autograghs.

[DeadEagle]

It should be noted that while his classmates flew over the Gulf directly to Bolivia from Atlanta, Calvin ran across the Atlantic, picked up some supplies in Ghana, carried them on his back all the way back across the Atlantic with such speed that he used Brazil as a hurdle.

[DeadEagle]

I hear one game at half time he performed open heart surgery and still had time left over to sign autograghs.


No way.

Youtube surely must have video evidence of this. If I could ever sort through the mass database of CJ clips, maybe I'll find it one day. Would take a miracle.

[DeadEagle]

CJ's awesomeness might be too much for RJS to contain.

Thoughts?

[Crash22384]

CJ is the only known living human to survive a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to the face.

[SuperFly]

I heard CJ leaped over Yao Ming’s head to catch a pass for a touchdown.

[TomatoVSC]

If a cinder block were thrown within 20 feet of Calvin Johnson, he'd catch it and run it in for a touchdown. With two broken legs. And a bullet wound.

[SuperFly]

Even with turf toe, CJ was able to outrun a pack of cheetahs!

[BucFanClw]

When CJ makes a quick cut the entire stadium shifts 2 inches.

[SuperFly]

I heard Bill Belichick would trade Tom Brady in a heartbeat to get CJ.

[BucsBoy24]

CJ is the only known living human to survive a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to the face.
:eek: :eek: :eek:

[UMiamiBucFan]

I heard CJ's tears cure cancer. Unfortunately, he's never cried.

[DeadEagle]

He will when the Bucs draft him. I just hope the medical community is on hand to collect his tears.

[CadillacON24'Z]

He will when the Bucs draft him. I just hope the medical community is on hand to collect his tears.
lol by far won of the funniest threads I've read in a while :lol: :rotf: ...guess that is why we have the best board!

[Cadillac Kid 22]

Why would CJ put out a fire? Isn't he usually the one burning people?

[BucFanClw]

When CJ sees that video of the guy that gets shot in the stomach with a cannonball, he laughs at the guy because he couldn't hold on to the ball.

[BucFanClw]

CJ once won a 1-on-11 scrimmage against the bears.


Not the Chicago Bears, but real bears... while in a cage... and covered in steaks.

[BucsBoy24]

CJ once became an All-American reciever with REGGIE BALL as his QB :eek:

[h-town baller]

CJ once became an All-American reciever with REGGIE BALL as his QB :eek:

dude thats crazy talk....

[DeadEagle]

The chief export of Calvin Johnson is touchdown.

[BucFanClw]

The NFL is considering instituting the "mercy rule" for every game Calvin Johnson is in. These games are expected to be over within seven minutes.

[DeadEagle]

The NFL is considering instituting the "mercy rule" for every game Calvin Johnson is in. These games are expected to be over within seven minutes.


...... the seven minutes also includes the national anthem and fly-over.

[BucsBoy24]

...... the seven minutes also includes the national anthem and fly-over.
and the 3 minutes of t.v. commercials

[tampabayfan]

I hear he is going to replace Barbaro. He was so upset about the horse that he has decided to run his races. Jockey and everything is included.

[SuperFly]

I hear he is going to replace Barbaro. He was so upset about the horse that he has decided to run his races. Jockey and everything is included.

Will the other horses get a head start? It's only fair!

[SuperFly]

All joking aside-let's be serious for a moment!

So he can stand on a phone booth & talk at the same time...

http://images.amazon.com/images/P/B000BCKFYI.01.LZZZZZZZ.jpg

Big Deal! I've seen better!

[BucFanClw]

Motivated by the sad story, Calvin Johnson went on a five yard crossing pattern and somehow managed to catch the Lindbergh baby.

[DeadEagle]

The happy parents.....

http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a86/DeadEagleBuc/CalvinParents.jpg


They must be SOOOO proud!

[BucFanClw]

Calvin Johnson can make the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs.

[JudgeDredd]

I heard he's Luke's real father.

[SharkieBucfan]

this chuck noris bull is crap

[BucFanClw]

Calvin Johnson uses redwoods as tackling dummies.

[TBChucky]

you people are crazy lol

[USMC3521]

When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Incredible Hulk. When the Incredible Hulk gets mad, he turns into Calvin Johnson.

Jerry Rice asks for Calvin Johnson's autograph.

Calvin Johnson CAN believe it's not butter.

When they were programming Madden 2007, they wanted to put Calvin Johnson in as a hidden character......but every time he caught the ball, no matter where he was on the field, the screen showed "Touchdown". When asked about this "glitch".......Calvin Johnson replied "That's no glitch."

[BucFanClw]

A list of things Calvin Johnson has been able to catch:

214,354,234,123 footballs
531,987,435,987 touchdown passes
7 throwing daggers
19 bullets
2 baseballs (unintentionally as baseball bores CJ)
Every communicable disease (however he has NEVER been sick from them)
Dorothy's house
1 cannonball fired at point-blank range
Jack the Ripper
Al Capone
Water (no bucket required)
1 elephant (Operation Dumbo Drop)
Every dodgeball while in elementary school

[Selmon63]

I heard CJ can eat Kobayashi in one bite.

[BucsBoy24]

Calvin Johnson CAN believe it's not butter.


:lol:
This one was great :grinyes:

[JamesWilder32]

I heard CJ can eat Kobayashi in one bite.


This one is the best.

[KiffininCanton]

Forget Art Monk, what about Calvin Johnson getting snubbed today?

[KiffininCanton]

This one is the best.

Actually it doesn't make sense, what is Kobayashi, like 120 pounds?

[DeadEagle]

Actually it doesn't make sense, what is Kobayashi, like 120 pounds?


Let's see you swallow Kobayashi in one bite.

[JamesWilder32]

Actually it doesn't make sense, what is Kobayashi, like 120 pounds?


Yeah, but that's the genius of the post... Kobayashi is the world's fastest eater, eating nearly or over 100 hot dogs in one sitting (how much time I don't know) and if he can eat all of those hot dogs and CJ can eat him it is the perfect Norrisism. Beautifully done.

[USMC3521]

If Calvin Johnson is late, time better slow down.

Calvin Johnson is so fast, he can catch his own shadow.

In the future all football players will be genetic copies of Calvin Johnson. However, the original Calvin Johnson will dominate them easily, because not even fake Calvins are as good as the real Calvin.

Calvin Johnson knows exactly where in the world Carmen Sandiego is.

Calvin Johnson can, in fact, eat just one Lay's potato chip.

Calvin Johnson is the only person ever to successfully divide by zero.

[BucFanClw]

This just in... Calvin Johnson has just been voted MVP of Superbowl XLII.

Congrats CJ!

[no1bucsfan29]

The happy parents.....

http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a86/DeadEagleBuc/CalvinParents.jpg


They must be SOOOO proud!
:lol: :rotf: :rotf: :lol:

[BucsBoy24]

Calvin Johnson knows exactly where in the world Carmen Sandiego is.

Calvin Johnson can, in fact, eat just one Lay's potato chip.


I dont know why these are so funny :rotf:

[Big Irv]

i heard cj beat up chuck norris and superman blindfolded, with both hands tied behind his back

[no1bucsfan29]

Calvin johnson can put out water with fire.
Calvin Johnson can start a fire with an ice cube.
Calvin Johnson knows how much wood a wood chuck chucks
Calvin Johnson once helped jump start a Hummer using his nipples. The Hummer exploded.

[USMC3521]

When Calvin Johnson does a push-up, he isn't pushing himself up, he's actually pusing Earth down.

Calvin Johnson can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

Calvin Johnson gave Mona Lisa her smile.

Calvin Johnson has counted to infinity-twice.

Calvin Johnson's hand is the only hand that can beat a royal flush.

Calvin Johnson is so fast, he can throw a football in the air, run twice around the Earth, and catch the football before it hits the ground.

Calvin Johnson can slam a revolving door.

Calvin Johnson once ate an entire cake before his friends could tell him that there was an exotic dancer hidden in it,

Calvin Johnson ordered a Big Mac at Burger King......and got one.

[DeadEagle]

Calvin Johnson catches the Road Runner in every episode.

[JudgeDredd]

Calvin Johnson was running so fast he went 50 years back in time. There he was taken in by a group of nuns who he spent the night with. The next morning CJ was gone and they were all pregnent. 9 months later they gave birth to the '72 Dolphins.

[BucsBoy24]

Calvin Johnson was running so fast he went 50 years back in time. There he was taken in by a group of nuns who he spent the night with. The next morning CJ was gone and they were all pregnent. 9 months later they gave birth to the '72 Dolphins.
lol

Calvin Johnson can have his cake AND eat it too

Calvin Johnson once won the Royals the World Series

They already started on Calvin's bust in the HOF....

Calvin Johnson just ran into my house and gave me a round house kick to the face for not referring to him by his full name in the HOF joke

[BucFanClw]

For every touchdown Calvin Johnson gets next season, Bill Gates has volunteered to donate $0.32 to foundations to cure cancer. Cancer is expected to be obliterated worldwide by game 3.

[USMC3521]

For every touchdown Calvin Johnson gets next season, Bill Gates has volunteered to donate $0.32 to foundations to cure cancer. Cancer is expected to be obliterated worldwide by game 3.

That's funny, I don't care who ya are......



Calvin Johnson does not sleep, he waits.

Everyone loves Raymond. Except Calvin Johnson.

Calvin Johnson can win at solitaire with only 18 cards.

Calvin Johnson doesn't wear a watch. He decides what time it is.

Calvin Johnson is so tough, he can blow bubbles with beef jerky.

Calvin Johnson eats steak for every single meal. Most times he forgets to kill the cow.

Calvin Johnson drinks napalm to cure his heartburn.

They once made a Calvin Johnson toilet paper, but there was a problem-- It wouldn't take mess from anybody.

One time.......at band camp......Calvin Johnson ate a percussionist.

Only Calvin Johnson can prevent forest fires.

There are now five cup sizes at Starbucks: Short, Tall, Grande, Venti, and Calvin Johnson.

When Calvin Johnson was born, the only person to cry was the doctor. NEVER slap Calvin Johnson.



And with that, I'm done.

[48 SS]

The reason Jimmy Hoffa is buried under Giants Stadium is because he tried to play defense against CJ.
:rotf:

[BleedsPewter]

That's funny, I don't care who ya are......



Calvin Johnson does not sleep, he waits.

Everyone loves Raymond. Except Calvin Johnson.

Calvin Johnson can win at solitaire with only 18 cards.

Calvin Johnson doesn't wear a watch. He decides what time it is.

Calvin Johnson is so tough, he can blow bubbles with beef jerky.

Calvin Johnson eats steak for every single meal. Most times he forgets to kill the cow.

Calvin Johnson drinks napalm to cure his heartburn.

They once made a Calvin Johnson toilet paper, but there was a problem-- It wouldn't take mess from anybody.

One time.......at band camp......Calvin Johnson ate a percussionist.

Only Calvin Johnson can prevent forest fires.

There are now five cup sizes at Starbucks: Short, Tall, Grande, Venti, and Calvin Johnson.

When Calvin Johnson was born, the only person to cry was the doctor. NEVER slap Calvin Johnson.



And with that, I'm done.
Those are sweet!

[BucDown24]

lol

Calvin Johnson can have his cake AND eat it too

Calvin Johnson once won the Royals the World Series

They already started on Calvin's bust in the HOF....

Calvin Johnson just ran into my house and gave me a round house kick to the face for not referring to him by his full name in the HOF joke


hahahahha that last one was ridiculously funny!

[BucsBoy24]

When Calvin Johnson was born, the only person to cry was the doctor. NEVER slap Calvin Johnson.




That one was great :lol:

[BearLandBucFan]

um ok... Amateur Comedy Week at the improv?

[DeadEagle]

Calvin Johnson hired Superman as his personal assitant.

[DeadEagle]

Pigs line up to be made into footballs in hopes that one day Calvin Johnson will catch them.

[Phr0z3nBuc]

http://i36.photobucket.com/albums/e4/darthjango1/cjtransfer.png

[nensey_zy]

LOL. My good friend Michael Peterson, a cornerback from Jesuit, who committed to Georgia Tech today, must have been praying in Jesuit's chapel the night before the day of the entry deadline for the draft.

[BucFanClw]

Calvin Johnson went to the beach and some kids tried to bury him in the sand. This proved to be a futile effort, however, because nothing can cover Calvin Johnson.

[eNgLiShBuC]

Calvin Johnson is allowed to talk about Fight Club.

Calvin Johnson wears a cup not to protect himself, but to protect the players on the other team.

[Evil Genius]

Calvin Johnson is allowed to talk about Fight Club.

I almost spit my coke out of my nostrils. LOL!!!!!!!!

[BucsBoy24]

Calvin Johnson is allowed to talk about Fight Club.


This was pretty good

[BucFanClw]

Calvin Johnson has to duck when he walks under the St. Louis Arch.

[Crash22384]

Calvin Johnson is allergic to doorknobs. That's why he can only kick through doors.

Calvin Johnson sleeps with a night light. Not because Calvin Johnson is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Calvin Johnson.

Calvin Johnson is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right hands.

Calvin Johnson's incredible greatness has been attributed to the fact that his genetic code doesn't have any A, G, or C. His genetic code is in fact, nothing but TD's.

Calvin Johnson took Mother Nature from behind. We refer to the event as the Big Bang.

Calvin Johnson ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

Achilles was supposedly the greatest warrior of all time, but he died because of his weak spot, the Achilles tendon. There is no Calvin Johnson tendon.

Calvin Johnson once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes screwing his waitress.

Outer Space exists because it is afraid to be on the same planet as Calvin Johnson.

The last man who made eye contact with Calvin Johnson was Ray Charles.

Calvin Johnson doesn't breathe, air just hides in his lungs for protection.

The original theme song to the Transformers was actually “Calvin Johnson–more than meets the eye, Calvin Johnson–robot in disguise,” and starred Calvin Johnson as a receiver who defended the earth from drug-dealing defenses and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.

[DoubleA07]

We need Jemarcus Russel, he is better than sims

[tampanativentx]

every time calvin johnson catches a football an angel gets its wings...oh and when calvin johnson jumps in the ocean he doesnt get wet ..the ocean gets calvined

[Chunko]

Johnson's family crest is a picture of a baracuda eating Neil Armstrong.

[BucsBoy24]

We need Jemarcus Russel, he is better than sims
You just ruined the thread :mad:

[DeadEagle]

There is no such thing as Global Warming. Calvin Johnson wanted a sauna so he told Mr. T to pity temperature.

[cadillac willy]

In February of 1990, an earthquake struck Los Angeles.

Millions of dollars were lost and many people were killed.

This is the last time that Calvin Johnson has sneezed.

[tampabayfan]

There is no such thing as Global Warming. Calvin Johnson wanted a sauna so he told Mr. T to pity temperature.
:rotf:

[Gooshdawg]

If the Bucs front office wants CJ be afraid. I was shocked taking a peek at the Bucs drafts dating back to 1999. Look no further for the Bucs struggles than the last 5 or so drafts.

[maryjanewatson]

If the Bucs front office wants CJ be afraid. I was shocked taking a peek at the Bucs drafts dating back to 1999. Look no further for the Bucs struggles than the last 5 or so drafts.

It's not even the drafting, it's the developing. If Michael Clayton had continued to develop, he'd be a 100 catch guy by now. If Caddy had built on his rookie year, he'd have rushed for 1,500 yards last year. If Chris Simms had developed, his TD/INT ratio would have been reversed before he got hurt.

I don't have to tell you who I thank for this.

[Crash22384]

It's not even the drafting, it's the developing. If Michael Clayton had continued to develop, he'd be a 100 catch guy by now. If Caddy had built on his rookie year, he'd have rushed for 1,500 yards last year. If Chris Simms had developed, his TD/INT ratio would have been reversed before he got hurt.

I don't have to tell you who I thank for this.

Yeah if that dang waterboy would just keep some high quality h20 around.

[BucFanClw]

I don't have to tell you who I thank for this.
Calvin Johnson?

[IronDog]

Hah. I first looked in here to find out who postmaster Cliff from Cheers was sending to the draft. Dyslexia is not funny. Carry on.

[maryjanewatson]

Calvin Johnson?

The Chief Export Of Calvin Johnson is AWESOME.

[BucFanClw]

Recently, congress denied funding for the laser based missile defense system. Their reasoning? Calvin Johnson would catch any missile that crossed into US airspace.

[SuperFly]

Calvin Johnson qualified for the Daytona 500..........w/out a car.

[BucFanClw]

Calvin Johnson qualified for the Daytona 500..........w/out a car.
...in full pads. This is game speed we're talking.

[DeadEagle]

:lol: :rotf:

[DeadEagle]

Swinging from Calvin Johnson's jock has become so popular, they've made it into a ride.

















































http://www.coasterforce.com/usaphotos/ocean.jpg

[southernbuc]

Calvin Johnson is the only player that Mike Detillier thinks can be a star

Mike Detillier top 60 (http://www.swampland.com/posts/view/detillierreport/277)

[TomatoVSC]

Calvin Johnson doesn't want to play for Tampa Bay. He doesn't "play" for anyone. Tampa Bay wants to play for Calvin Johnson.

[tray384]

April 28 - 29 has been declared Calvin Johnson weekend in Tampa.

[Psykes]

(Great thread outside the converted Chuck Norris jokes.)

[DeadEagle]

April 28 - 29 has been declared Calvin Johnson weekend in Tampa.


Tony Dungy is appealing.

[BucFanClw]

The only reason the dinosaurs are extinct is because Calving Johnson wasn't born yet to catch the meteor.

[tray384]

The reason we couldn't find any Weapons of Mass Destruction was because he was playing for Georgia Tech and wearing #21.

[longislandbuc]

unbelievable. four pages of this and not one reference to macgyver?

[h-town baller]

this years nfl draft will get better ratings than this years superbowl because of calvin johnson.
A new energy drink is comin out, called calvin johnson

[BucsBoy24]

this years nfl draft will get better ratings than this years superbowl because of calvin johnson.

Until the 3rd pick

[h-town baller]

during mass in the tampa area. One of the prayers being offered was that the bucs win the coin flip and calvin johnson.

[BucFanClw]

Proof that Calvin Johnson is that good... this thread has more views than any other college thread ever. You can't help but watch the greatness.

[DeadEagle]

Well..... so the homers would have you believe. (http://bbs.buccaneers.com/forumdisplay.php?f=25&daysprune=-1&order=desc&sort=views)

[tampabayfan]

Clavin Johnson is so fast that he can run back in time. He already gone back to the 50s and the Superman superhero was created in his honor.

[h-town baller]

calvin johnson is God's gift to football

[h-town baller]

that song "he's got the whole world in his hands" they are refering to calvin johnson

[BucsBoy24]

that song "he's got the whole world in his hands" they are refering to calvin johnson
you just keep coming with them huh? :cool:

[h-town baller]

you just keep coming with them huh? :cool:

me and my friends were bored during class today. so we just made some up. lol

[redzone911]

me and my friends were bored during class today. so we just made some up. lol

you and your imaginary friends need better material..........

[h-town baller]

you and your imaginary friends need better material..........

hahahaha how many friends do you have greg?????? oh wait... your hand doesn't count. That was funny you got in trouble in eng class

[redzone911]

hahahaha how many friends do you have greg?????? oh wait... your hand doesn't count. That was funny you got in trouble in eng class

stephen let me see your best material of CJ or was that your best?

[TomatoVSC]

Children...stop ruining this thread.

[redzone911]

Children...stop ruining this thread.

if you havent notice its gotten way off topic by now..... the past 20 post have been CJ jokes so its pretty much ruined.....

[SuperFly]

Bump!

Just cause.

[Boss Hogg]

that song "he's got the whole world in his hands" they are refering to calvin johnson
Calvin Johnson has just signed with the New York Yankees to play centerfield
Wow what could have been for the Bucs!

[florida_gat0r]

Bump!

[wvbucfan]

His vertical jump measurement from the scouting combine has not yet been recorded because they are still waiting on him to land.

[BucFanClw]

Calvin Johnson tried kicking a field goal from the 50 yard line. The ball was shot down over MacDill AFB.

[di bello 3]

What the **** is Bump?

[TomatoVSC]

Cya later, di bello.

[BucsBoy24]

I can't believe anyone from my April 06 class could be that dumb :rolleyes:

[BucFanClw]

"The Calvin Johnson Experience" ride has been cancelled as one of the designers had a heart attack just thinking about how intense it was going to be.

[BucFanClw]

After winning the Super Bowl, Calvin Johnson will be personally appearing in simultaneous parades at all Disney parks.

[SuperFly]

Calvin Johnson is the only player that can beat the Gators single-handedly in a national championship game.

[TBB Mod IV]

What the **** is Bump?

American Heritage Dictionary - Cite This Source bump (bŭmp) Pronunciation Key
v. bumped, bump·ing, bumps

v. tr.

To strike or collide with.
To cause to knock against an obstacle.

To knock to a new position; shift: bumped the crate out of the way.
To shake up and down; jolt: bumped the child on her knee; was bumped about on a rough flight.
To displace from a position within a group or organization.
To deprive (a passenger) of a reserved seat because of overbooking.

To displace from a position within a group or organization.
To deprive (a passenger) of a reserved seat because of overbooking.
To raise; boost: bump up the price of gasoline.
Sports To pass (a volleyball) by redirecting it with the forearms.

Basically, it means that this thread, last posted in on the 4th, when you bought your ticket, was moved up to the head of the line again on the 22nd, where your ticket could be used.

Bypassing The Censor: Members are prohibited from attempting to bypass the built-in sensor mechanism that automatically replaces profanity and other banned words & phrases with a series of asterisks. Bypassing is any action to thwart the intended function of the sensor, such as attempting to divulge the actual censored word or words by means of using other spellings, symbols, rhymes, or any facsimiles thereof.


See you in a month.

[SaY CHeEsE24]

every night before he goes to sleep, the boogyman looks under his bed for calvin johnson

[florida_gat0r]

every night before he goes to sleep, the boogyman looks under his bed for calvin johnson

Ok, that made me laugh. :grinyes: