Rival Week

[AF Go Bucs]

I've read some of these before but they're pretty good:

http://sports.espn.go.com/chat/sport...sLetters031120

Roast Your Rivals!

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SportsNation




It's Rivalry Week, and we asked our users for their best jokes from college football's best rivalries. Here they are, just in time to get you in the mood for this weekend's games.





For: Oregon
Against: Oregon State


What do you get when you breed a ground hog and an Oregon State Beaver?

Six more weeks of bad football!
Mike
Oregon





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For: Minnesota
Against: Wisconsin


How many Badger fans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Four. Two to screw in the lightbulb and two to talk about how good Ron Dayne was.
Matt Larson
University of Minnesota





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For: Michigan
Against: Ohio State


What is the difference between a Buckeye fan and a carp?

One is a bottom feeding, scum sucking, waste of matter and the other is a fish.
Eric
Michigan





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For: Alabama
Against: Auburn


What does Auburn stand for?

Alabama Usually Beats Us 'Round November.
Matt Connor
Alabama





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For: LSU
Against: Arkansas


How do you know the toothbrush was invented in Arkansas?

If it had been anywhere else it would have been a teethbrush!
Jamie Moore
LSU





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For: OSU
Against: Michigan


Ann Arbor is a *****!
Kevin Kaiser
Ohio State University





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For: OSU
Against: Michigan

How many University of Michigan football players does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One. But he gets three credits.
Brian
Ohio State





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For: Tennessee
Against: Florida

Bad news. They cancelled the annual Nativity scene in Gainesville this year. Seems they couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.
Mark
Tennessee





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For: OSU
Against: Michigan



Bo Schembechler dies and goes up to Heaven, and God meets him and takes him on a tour. They walk up to a broken-down old shack with a dirty tattered "M" flag out front, and God says, "Here is your house, Bo." Bo looks up the hill and sees a huge white mansion that dwarfs his shack, with 50-foot OSU banners waving in the wind and says to God, "I appreciate the house, but why is Woody's house so much better than mine?" God says, "Oh, that isn't Woody's house, it's mine."
Josh
Ohio State University





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For: Florida
Against: Florida State

A bunch of Seminoles are in a remedial English class when the teacher asks, "Do any of you know what comes after a sentence?" Proudly they all shouted back, "An appeal, of course!"
Chris Trizis
Florida





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For: Oklahoma
Against: Texas


What does the average Texas Longhorn get on the SAT?

Drool.
John
Oklahoma





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For: Ohio State
Against: Michigan

Who do Michigan and marijuana have in common?

They both get smoked in bowls.
Kevin Craig
Ohio State





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For: Michigan
Against: Ohio State

What do the Buckeyes and possums have in common?

They sleep at home and get killed on the road.
Alex
University of Michigan





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For: Yale
Against: Harvard



A Yale man and a Harvard man are standing at adjacent urinals during halftime of "The Game." The Yale man zips up and begins to walk toward the door. The Harvard man says, "Excuse me, but at Hah-vahd they teach us to wash our hands after we use the bathroom."
The Yale man replies, "That's great, but at Yale they teach us not to pee on our hands."
Mike Faro
Yale






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For: Texas
Against: Texas A&M

How did the Aggie break his arm raking leaves?

He fell out of the tree.
Michael Boatright
University of Texas





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For: Auburn
Against: Texas/Alabama

What do a Texas tornado and an Alabama Crimson Tide fan's divorce have in common?

Either way somebody's losing a trailer.
Jacob Lange
Auburn University





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For: Michigan
Against: Ohio State

What's the difference between a Buckeye in the courtroom and a Buckeye on the football field?

In the courtroom, he's likely to be responsible for some kind of offense.
Adam Richard
Michigan





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For: Oklahoma
Against: Texas

How many Longhorns does it take to change a tire?

One. Unless it's a blowout, and then they all show up.
Jordan
Oklahoma





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For: Maryland
Against: North Carolina

What's the difference between a porcupine and the Dean Dome?
A porcupine has 18,000 pricks on the outside.
Gary Carpenter
Maryland






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For: Michigan
Against: Ohio State

What's the difference between an Ohio State Cheerleader and an elephant? About 50 pounds.
How do you make up the difference?

Force feed the elephant.
Mitch
Michigan






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For: Ohio State
Against: Michigan

What's the difference between a Wolverine and a dollar?

The dollar gives you four quarters.
Jason Kelly
Ohio State University





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For: Washington
Against: Washington State

What do you get when you cross a Cougar and a big, dumb jackass?

A bigger, dumber, slower, big dumb jackass.
Nicholas Buck
Washington





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For: Ohio State
Against: Michigan

On a tour of Ohio, the Pope took a couple of days off his itinerary to visit Lake Erie on an impromptu sightseeing trip. His 4X4 Popemobile was driving along the beautiful shoreline when there was an enormous commotion. They rushed to see what it was and upon approaching the scene, the Pope noticed in the water a hapless man wearing a Michigan football jersey, struggling frantically to free himself from the jaws of a 12 foot sturgeon.
At that moment a speedboat containing three men wearing Ohio State football jerseys roared into view from around the point. Spontaneously, one of the men took aim and fired a harpoon into the sturgeon' ribs, immobilizing it instantly. The other two reached out and pulled the Michigan man from the water and then, using long clubs, beat the fish to death. They bundled the bleeding, semiconscious man into the boat along with the dead sturgeon and then prepared for a hasty retreat when they heard frantic shouting from the shore. It was the Pope and he summoned them to the beach.

After they reached shore, the Pope went into raptures about the rescue and said, "I give you my blessing for your brave actions. I had heard that there were some bitter hatred between the people of Ohio and Michigan, but now I have seen with my own eyes this is not true. I can see that your society is a truly enlightened example of true harmony and could serve as a model on which other states could follow". He blessed them all and drove off in a cloud of dust.

As he departed, the harpooner asked the others, "Who was that?"

"That," one answered, "was his Holiness the Pope. He is in direct contact with God and has access to all of God's wisdom.

"Well," the harpooner replied, "he knows nothing about Sturgeon fishing. Is the bait holding up or do we need to get another one?"
Brian
Ohio State University






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For: Michigan
Against: Ohio State

A mother takes her three kids to a Buckeyes game. The children get lost and the mother is searching for them frantically. A PA announcer says "whoever lost your children please pick them up, their beating Ohio State 24-7."
Matt Brinker
Michigan